Squeaky bum time

I have been toying with  'mountain to climb' metaphor to explain the outcome of my meeting yesterday. Let's try is again to see how far it takes us.
There is indeed a mountain, a big one. We can't go under it, we can't go round it, we have to go over it (with apologies to Michael Rosen). The road which we will start on is narrow and steep and we can't see how far it goes. And there are more mountains beyond this big one. Lots.
That, I think is why metaphor and analogy should be left to skilled writers who can make their meanings quite clear.
Fortunately our meeting with Carol Connolly, a Macmillan Cancer Nurse Specialist at the Victoria Hospital in Kirkcaldy gave us a wonderful example of how to talk 2 frightened people through news they never wanted to hear and were barely prepared to listen to.
The facts then.
I have a sizeable tumour in my right lung. This has metastisised not only into the pleura (the membrane surrounding the lungs) but into my brain. Twice. These tumours in my brain caused my initial black out and the demise of Ben's Fiesta.
There are too many tumours for surgery or radiotherapy to be viable options. There are chemotherapy options.
We have a name for the condition. It is a non-small cell lung cancer and the cell type is adenocarcinoma. This is not as fast growing as the small cell type. But that is just about the limit of the good news.
There is no chance of a cure or of remission (although the latter word was never mentioned).
The chemotherapy treatments I am likely to be offered elicit 3 levels of response.
In one third of patients the tumours shrink significantly. In another third they stop growing. In the final third there is little effect on the growth of the tumour.
When I spoke about the irony of someone who has never smoked being afflicted with lung cancer Carol told us about a final test which has been done but for which no results are available yet. This cancer can be the result of a mutation (not a genetic defect you are born with) but only in 5-10% of sufferers. This would be treated with tablets rather than intravenously. The rate of success is slightly higher if this happens.
Our next step is to meet with an oncologist at Ninewells in Dundee. She is likely to offer 2 courses of chemo initially, this would cover around 6 weeks. After that it depends on how effective the treatment is proving and how well my health is standing up.

The meeting wasn't the hardest part of the day. Nicci, Elton, James and Ben had to be told.
I can honestly say I have never been prouder of our children or loved them more. There were tears but there was also laughter. If I have done nothing else worthwhile with my life I have helped Clare to raise a family who will cope with whatever the next year brings with courage and good humour.

It may be that I can offer some advice n how best to approach the tumour studded grumpy old git.

My views on people have become more extreme. If I liked you before then I will almost certainly like you even more now, but I am more likely to say so. I am likely to laugh and hug you. If you are particularly nice to me I may cry. This is not a problem but may result in extended hugging.
I think we need to talk about man hugs. Many of us find these awkward. This simply means we need more practise, it will get easier.
Now we have hugged and said hello what should we talk about?

Almost anything, is the short answer. I am happy to talk about my condition and I will do my utmost not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Talking about other peoples cancers with successful or unsuccessful outcomes is tricky but I will cope. We may need another hug though.
Talking about the past is perfect. I am having a lovely life and will be happy to tell you the same 3 stories I have been telling you for the past 30 or 40 years and to hear yours.
Talking about the future is also perfect. My own future may be uncertain but I can still feel joy in hearing about your plans, your hopes for yourself or your children or the chances of Scotland winning the Six Nations any time soon (anyone with connections at Murrayfield might mention that this season would be good).
I can even handle religion. If someone I love and respect offers me prayers i am happy to accept them. The deal I ask is that you don't try to convert me. In exchange I won't try to convert you. We can even have that discussion. But in front of a roaring fire with a glass of malt in hand.


I do have to warn you about what the family have christened